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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Life Done Backwards

I sit here and look back on the last years of my life. I have come to realize that a lot in my life is a little out of order. Once I moved to Florida and adjusted to having a new life there leaving behind my friends and everything I knew behind things started falling better into place. It was a rough start. I had to find who I was again. It was a bit of a rough patch. Having to sit out of school for a year to gain residency, Missing out on important events in my friends lives back home, going through a break up and thought that was the end of world. It wasn't until I met a man through the Starbucks window that everything would fall back into place and my life would take a completely different turn for the better.

We had met during his coffee break on his third shift job. I saw him in the camera at the menu board that first night and immediately became a giddy high school girl. There was something about him and his smile that just made me beam with delight. From then on 3 am became my favorite time of the day. We talked small talk through the drive thru for about a three months. In December I gave him a Christmas card that started out life together. I don't know where our lives would be had I not given him that card. That card was the final push for Griffin to fully realize that I saw something in him. After that he left his number for me. We spent about three weeks talking via text messages and getting to know a little more about each other, our past, our goals in life, etc. January 28 2009 we had our first date. He took me to a Thai restaurant, which was my first time eating Thai. We then went to a mall and sat outside of Starbucks and shared more facts and stories. We walked around the mall and enjoyed each others company. I went home that night on cloud nine. From then on we just started seeing each other almost everyday and thus a relationship sparked from there. I didn't really have any expectations on where the relationship would end up.
A year later we became roommates. This was my first time living with a boyfriend and thought if this didn't work out then I knew exactly where this relationship would end. After all, if you can't live with a guy you're with then where else would that relationship take you? During that second year together we had our ups and downs. I had to learn a lot about how to communicate with another person and not just throw my hands in the air and give up. My past relationship didn't prepare me for this new type of relationship. Being with Griffin has made me grow up and realize the true meaning of being with someone and fully being able to trust that they have your back no matter what. It really was a breath of fresh air to be in a committed and mature relationship.

At the end of our second year together we were hit by a surprise. We found out that we were having a baby. I was completely caught off guard. I mean I was very careful with our birth control. The doctor told me that when I had my neck issues the medicines and pain killers most likely cancelled out the birth control. I was so scared. I was raised to wait till marriage before bringing children in the world. I didn't know how my family would react or how my friends back home would react. I mean I went to a private christian college. Some people could have been very judgmental towards me. I soon got over what my closest friends would think after calling each of them and telling them the news. They had my back and supported both Griffin and I with this new addition. They all knew how much I loved Griffin and after only meeting him once they knew how much he loved me and wouldn't let anything bad happen to me or this baby of ours. I was so relieved to have them supporting me and not looking down on me at all. Telling my family was by far the most scarey thing I had to do. I knew that I was an adult and it didn't matter if they would be upset because in the end they would support me. I just hated disappointing my mom most of all. She took it a little rough because she only wanted better for us. In my mind I did have it better. I know the school hasn't worked out for me so I don't have a degree behind me but I had Griffin. I knew that no matter if we made it or not he would always be there for his child and support the baby. To me that was already a better start!

A few months into the pregnancy we were faced with a new challenge. Griffin was completely miserable at his current place of employment and started looking for a better place for himself and for us as a family. I never thought it would happen as quickly as it did. Before I knew it he had been hired and we were moving to another state. I was not all too happy about it. Part of me was so happy to finally get out of Florida. I had never really been completely happy from the first day being in Florida and even though I had good things come to me being in Florida I knew that it was not a place I wanted to spend the rest of my life and call it my home. Griffin ended up moving to Nebraska a month ahead of me. It was the worse month for me. I didn't like being away from him. At that time we had a plan to keep me here till after the baby was born. My family was really happy to hear that we were going to be in Florida for the birth of Seldon Bo Wakem (That is the name we decided on). I was happy that they were happy. I was not however happy for the fact that Griffin would be missing out on almost all of the third trimester and knowing my luck would miss the birth of his child. As that month progressed as well as my depression I knew I couldn't live with myself knowing that I didn't speak my mind and what I truly wanted. I felt like I was only doing what everyone else wanted me to do. At the last second basically I had changed my mind and told my family that I would not be staying here for the birth of the baby. I needed to have Griffin by my side during this time and needed his support for our baby and his arrival. I made my family upset but they came around later. I hope they know that I didn't do this out of selfishness...or maybe a part of me did, I'm not really sure. I do know that I haven't been this happy in a long time.

Before Griffin left he did have a surprise for me. He proposed to me. It was really sweet. I was having lunch with my mom and brother at olive garden. Had I known what Griffin wanted to do I would have taken a rain check on lunch. It was a bitter sweet day for me. That was the day that I had to drop Griffin off at the airport for our month departure from each other. I got back to his parents house to pick him up. I got there with about an hour to spend with him. He ate his lunch and I was trying very hard not to cry because I didn't like the idea of him leaving me behind. I failed at that by the way! Griffin had me come and sit on his lap and he held me while I tried to compose myself. He then started going on about how much he loved me and respected my decision to up and leave without any questions. It meant a lot that I trusted him to take care of me and the baby without our family only a drive away. He then proposed to me and since I was already crying, it only grew. He was on his knees during his speech and pulled a cute ring out of his pocket. I later was told that the ring was a temporary ring, because he wanted us to pick out rings together. I thought it was a cute idea. I didn't expect him to propose and was caught totally off guard. He filled me in later that he had so many ideas but nothing seemed right or something got in the way of his plans with the move and job switching taking place. He made it clear that he couldn't leave for a month without proposing to me. He wanted me to be happy when he had to leave. It worked, until I watched him make his way through the security line at the airport. I was so happy to be engaged but Griffin had to leave as quickly as our engagement happened which made me sad. I didn't really feel like we had much of a chance to celebrate together before he was gone.

I am now in Nebraska with Griffin. I sit here and look at our relationship and what I thought my life would happen. In a normal order...college, dating, engagement, wedding, baby. Instead it happened as college not happening because of one thing or another, dating, pregnancy, engagement, wedding, deliver baby, spiritual ceremony. That is right. As of now I am Mrs. Griffin Wakem. We decided it would be best for us to have a quickie wedding through the courts. I needed insurance for the baby since I lost mine when I resigned from my job and have been arguing with the cobra insurance for a month now. This way things could move more smoothly. Again this isn't how I thought I would be married. I am like every other girl who wants to have a pretty princess wedding in front of family and friends. I thought about not saying anything to anyone besides our family till we had a wedding. I soon realized that by doing that it made me feel like I was embarrassed to be Griffin's wife. I could not not say anything for over a year so I decided that I need to stop thinking about what society has instilled in our minds about the right way. Life happens and the most I can do with it is go through it and deal with things as they happened even if it takes me off that path I had planned for myself. It doesn't really feel like I am married and maybe it will this weekend if Griffin and I can celebrate a little. We are planning on having a wedding next fall, or a spiritual wedding which ever you want to call it. I felt that not saying anything for over a year would make me seem like I was embarrassed to be married to the man that I love and that was not the case at all. I love him and I am glad to call him my husband. This year has been one heck of a year already and will continue to get better. I can't wait to have our baby boy here and to start planning my fairytale back yard wedding with all my friends and family.

Till next time!

Much love
Jamie

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Protecting Your Wife

I received this in my email this morning and I thought that I would share it with you all on here. Some of my friends who are married might appreciate this. Enjoy!

Protecting Your Wife
1 Peter 3:7
You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman.

In this verse, the apostle Peter emphasizes the need for a husband to understand his wife because she is a "weaker vessel." Your wife wants a man who understands her and her needs.
Your wife needs to feel safe, secure and protected. As her husband, it's up to you to provide that security. I was reminded of this years ago when I attended a conference for couples. During the conference, a young woman was raped in her hotel room.
As the speaker told the other conferees about the incident, I noticed an interesting phenomenon. Instinctively, as though led by an orchestra conductor, nearly every husband in the audience tenderly slid his arm around his wife. Likewise, almost every wife slipped closer into his protective embrace. It was a physical gesture of a woman's need for safekeeping and a man's natural desire to protect his wife.
People use locks, burglar and fire alarms, and lighting systems to protect their most valuable possessions. When you invest in protecting your wife, you are making a statement about her value to you.
Certainly you already protect your wife physically. You wouldn't think of having it any other way. You discourage her going out at night if it is dangerous. You protect her by encouraging her to lock the car when she goes shopping. And you provide the kind of security she needs at home for the times you are away.
But are you protecting her from other muggers in her life, such as:
Over scheduling her time?
Her own unrealistic goals or expectations, which set her up for failure?
Burnout at work? At home?
The children, who would take advantage of her weaknesses that they know so well?
Obviously, you can't protect your wife from every pressure, worry, fear or loss. But you can do your best to anticipate many of these problems before they occur and to establish a solid security system for her protection.

Prayer: That God would give you wisdom and courage as you seek to protect your wife from negative outside forces.

Discuss: Talk with your wife about how you can protect her in different areas of her life, especially those listed above.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Ranting

So once again it has been a lifetime since I have updated anything on here. I really don't have an excuse because I am currently not in school and I don't work more then 35 hours a week. I guess I just see that I really don't have much to talk about anymore. If I ever did in the first place to start with. I do have some things that I would love to get off my chest. One being: Why are there people on this earth who only care about themselves and don't stop and think about what their consequences of their actions may do to others. You all have heard of craigslist I'm sure. So my friends are getting married in January 2010 and they have asked me to be in their wedding. I was so thrilled but being a barista making 8.60 an hour doesn't give me any money in the savings account. I have this account that has a dollar if that in it. I really wants to be filled with money so that I can have fun once in awhile. At one time it was filled but as I lost my second job and this current job I make less then what my bills are for the month, that savings account drained really quick. So back to craigslist. I have been posting some of my personal belongings that I don't need to be holding onto anymore and taking up space that I don't really have. Someone purchased one of my items and we agreed to do the transaction through PayPal. Nice a reliable right? You would think so but don't be fooled. Everything with the transaction was going smoothly. I got the address on where to ship the package and when I saw that the address said Nigeria, a red flag automatically went up in my head. As I looked over all the emails that I have received confirming everything through PayPal and the emails with the buyer them self I thought it would be okay. The "lady" said that she was going to have me mail the package to New Jersey but then said that they were in a hurry on the package and that I would have to mail it to her husband's church. So I thought maybe her husband's church is in Nigeria. My roommate and I went to the post office and mailed the package through express mail to be in the destination in 8 days. Later that night I was looking at the emails and something in me was making me feel weird about the whole thing. When my boyfriend woke up (he works nights) he called me and I told him about the package. After he heard the story he paused and then said, "Let me call you back". A few minutes later he called and said that I need to try and get that package back and that it was a scam. He looked through all the emails and notice a change in email address from PayPal and their confirmations. When I looked more closely I notices what he saw and lost it. I am a nice person or that is what I like to think anyways. So today after work I went to the post office to filed a recall of mail. The guy that helped me said that it looked like my package was still in the United States, however he would have to wait till 3pm to call the plant in Miami when the guy would start his shift. He said that they would fax the form and I should get a call about the status of the package. Around 5pm I checked the status of the package online and I saw that as of 4:27pm my package was being shipped out of the United States. It really bothers me thinking that the rude people won the battle. Once the package is out the of States nothing can be done unless I get a lawyer. I did learn a very important lesson. There are mean people who don't give a crap about anyone but the themselves. We don't really notice the type of people exist until something happens in our life to make us see that not every person is good. I am still praying that somehow someone stopped the package and it hadn't been posted yet, but I have a feeling that it won't happen. It just makes me really upset.

Onto better things my weight loss challenge to myself has been at a standstill. I haven't been going to the gym but I did start doing turbo jam with my roommate once in a while. I need to get focused again and start going so that I will look amazing for Kesha's big day but of course not better then her. It would be so much easier if I had a friend to keep me going and exercise with me everyday. It was so much more fun that way, but I had to move and then my new workout buddy had to move and I am still looking for new one.

I did get another job. I will be a cashier at publix which is a chain of grocery stores. I haven't started at the job yet but I hope that it will go well and that it will be something that I will enjoy. I am just thankful to have another job to get me more financially stable.

I feel like I have so much more to talk about and get off my chest but my wrists are killing me from all the typing that I am doing. So I think that I will call it quits for now and maybe I'll be able to write more later this week or even tonight. So take care and God bless!

Much Love
-Jamie-

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

My Life...Updated

So it has been forever since I have posted anything on here. I don't really know why it has taken me so long. Maybe I find the things I write about boring and pointless. Or maybe its because both my computers have broken and being worked on now. Luckily for me and anyone bored enough to read what I type my boyfriend has given me a net book to use in the meantime till my computers are fixed. I can not wait till one of them are in working order. Net books are handy and so light. I put this computer in my handbag. It's nice, however after a while of using the net book as my main computer source I have found some negatives. I really don't like small screens I have learned. It is hard to do important documents for school and hard for me to play farmtown on facebook that I have become very addicted to. I suggest that anyone with a facebook pick up on this game and add me as your neighbor. I know this sounds retarded, the game that is but you if you like being in charge and organize and staying on schedule and simply need something to pass time by or distract you from boyfriends/girlfriends (not that I do this....ok maybe a little) and homework then THIS IS THE GAME FOR YOU! Okay, now that I am finished with that little advertisement on with the update.

BOYFRIEND:
So this Saturday will be my and Griffin's 6 month anniversary. I am still shocked that it has been six months already. It went by really fast, but at the same time I feel like we have been together for a long time. He really completes me. I didn't think that we would have a relationship like we do. I mean I went through some rough times with my ex-boyfriend and during those times Griffin was there to listen to me and my new problems with the previous relationship during those 3 am coffee visits at my place of employment. Then once I knew that I would not be able to save the relationship I had fought for so with, is when Griffin became more then the guy at my drive-thru window. Don't think that I just jumped from one guy to the him. The previous relationship had been over for almost a year at that time. I didn't put any moves on Griffin. After talking for about 4 months he asked me out to dinner so I jumped on that opportunity. If for a free dinner and good company was all I thought it end up as. Only after that first date we pretty much started seeing each other everyday since, and didn't really know an exact date we became official so we set it for Feb. 1. Six months later we are still going and I never thought I would find someone to complete me the way he does. He is such a great person and very easy going. I can talk to him about anything. I know that when I'm falling in life he will be the person to catch me right before I hit the ground. He has taught me so much about myself and about what I want. Knowing his story and the life he once had made me fall more and more in love with him. I never thought I would be able to say I could marry this person after my previous relationship, but I am glad I can. I am glad that I have been given a second chance in love.

WORK:
So after a year of working the overnight shifts I have finally been moved to days and let me say how freaking happy I am about that. When my home store closed I was working at Olive Garden still. The only way to keep my job was to do the overnights. At that time I didn't mind. I didn't have friends to hang out with anymore, since my best friend Viviana moved to Gainesville, so I bounced from job to job and school full time. Looking back now I don't know how I did it. I saw that my grades dropped a little but not a whole bunch. I gained 30 pounds from the overnights....dang coffee with sugar. So now that I am off the overnights my goal is to lose 35 pounds. It's really hard. I didn't eat that much but I learned that sleep deprivation causes weight gain. I don't look like I gained 30 pounds but the scale does not lie. So now that I am moved into my place now I need to set a schedule to working out everyday. I just mapped out a one mile course around the neighborhood to run...I just need to start running them. Anyways, back to the subject of work. I am still adjusting to the day crew at work. I have found out that most of my co-workers are shady. I feel like I am very unwelcome there. There are a few people I love working with and when I know that I am working with those people I look forward to work. But most of the morning shifts I work I dread. I either feel like they are talking bad about me. Which totally blows my mind because I don't know what I could have done, not done, or said to make them treat me the way they do. Also I feel like I do most of the slave work. It doesn't bother me, actually it keeps me busy. Its better doing all the crap work instead of just standing there in silence wishing for someone to come in so I had a reason to talk. Another thing that keeps bugging me is the feeling that my store manager doesn't really care for me. I have nothing against him. I think that he is a good guy and I enjoy his stories and the funniness he has. The one thing I have noticed is you can tell who he favors and that gets annoying, especially when you can tell that you're not on that list. You can also see who is favored by the amount of hours given or the days given. I think that he should worry about the people in his store and how many hours they would like before hiring others. I know that I am willing to work 40 hours because well I need 40 hours in order to survive. The thing he says is he has to account for everyone else which is fine, I get that. The thing I don't get is when there are people wanting more hours but he is willing to hire new people instead of giving his current staff the extra hours, but that is just my opinion.

ROOMMATES:
Oh where do I even begin right there. This subject is probably a blog of it's own but I figure if you have read this much you must be interested in my current events taking place in my life. So like I said earlier, I moved out. Probably should have stayed in the nest a little longer but what the heck. I wanted to have some more freedom and I needed something to feel more alive I guess. So I moved in with my friend, whom I met at the drive-thru window, I probably should stop doing that, anyways we hit it off really well. About five or six months of just talking she asked if I needed some roommates. So I took that opportunity to risk it. I moved in with her and her friend who I met the day we signed the lease. Everything went really well with getting the place and the finances. Amy and I became really good friends. We found that we had similar lives and went through the same struggles. It was really nice having someone to talk about the same things you have experienced. So a few months went on and of course there were plenty of disagreements. The main thing that I learned about Amy was how unreliable she was. She would make some plans with me and Griffin and we would sit around for her waiting at the house for hours at a time. When we finally heard from her she had something big happen to her. Little things like that. In the condos that we lived in, they are super strict...like no parking in the grass. Your car would get towed even if your tire was on a blade of grass and no I am not kidding about this. We had a one car garage too. This really got annoying. So three girls living together, three cars, two parking spots. Now during the week wasn't bad at all because I would work during the nights. Most mornings when I would get home one or both roommates wouldn't be there because they stayed at friends or their boyfriend/boy's houses toy. One rule we had is if you were not at the apartment your car was not there either. So if you were with your friend and they drove then you were to move your car to the visitor parking leaving available parking to the other two roommates. That sounds fair right? Amy was the one who came up with rule and I remember thinking...why didn't I think about that. Tatiana was really bad at the parking situation. Leaving her car in the driveway when no one was in the garage, parking her car in the grass, having her friends park in the grass. Let's just say it got really annoying. The weekend that pushed me over the edge on the parking situation was the weekend that Tatiana, amy, and their mutual friend left town to get away. Tatiana's car in the garage, their friend's car in the driveway leaving me with no parking. I was so upset. I called them and let them know how dumb it was of them to do that. At first they were really sorry and said they would turn around and take car of the situation. Then about a minute after they said that they called saying how they are sorry about what they did. They didn't think about it. It wouldn't happen again but in the meantime while they were gone I had to deal with it. They said they didn't think I would be home because they hadn't seen me. Keep in mind my car is always gone throughout the week while I was at work. I would come home and sleep. I would wake up and go back to work. When all they did was work and hang out and never home of course they are not going to notice that I am there and not out having a great time and not coming home like they did. That weekend I had to park my car in the visitor parking and walk from the front gate clear to the back of the addition to my house while they had their friend's car in the driveway, who didn't pay rent nor lived there. That was the breaking point. When the girls came home they banned together and made my life hell. Complaining about everything I did, throwing trash in my room that didn't belong to me but still went in my room to use my stuff. They complained about me leaving a little fan on while I was gone, but at the same time would have every light in that house on every time I came home. It was a really big mess and a great big lesson learned.
My current roommates are amazing. It's like I have my own place. I have my space where I can be alone or if I wanted to be around others I could. I love it so far.

That is a really big update. I can't really think about much to write so until next time!

Much Love
-Jamie-

Saturday, 21 February 2009

Let Downs

So I know that I am probably most definitely being a complete crazy girl that every father warns their sons to stay away from, but as you start a new relationship and everything is going perfect something always comes up that blindsides you and you find yourself thinking...is this what I really want? Well before I go on any further I did ask myself that question and yes this is still what I want. I'm not going to go into details about this, it really isn't my place to, but finding something out that you know you can't handle is scary. It made me realize that this could potentially cause the relationship to come to a halt and I was so scared that it would. I knew that he wouldn't be the one to say it's over because you can't accept this. I knew that if it came to that it would be on my account. It is weird though, right when you think you have someone figured out boom...that is when it hits me. Now he did tell me about this issue early on into the relationship and I was like oh well that sucks and I didn't think anything of it, but last night seeing him act on that issue, even though I said it would be okay, it really made me step back and re-exam everything. It is the only flaw I found on this guy and I really don't want it to become an issue because I do love him. He is caring and I know that he would do anything for me. There would definitely be one thing that I would like him to do, but you can't make someone change something that has been in their life for so many years. I just need to accept that he has a flaw and I have to let it be just that...a flaw and nothing bad will happen to us. I am so head over heels for this guy and I don't want to let him go and I am not going to let him slip away from me. He once said that he had been waiting all his life to meet me and he isn't going to let me go that easily. I feel the same way. He has made me so happy and I know that I haven't been this happy since the day I arrived in Florida. So Now that I have gotten this off my chest and it's 3 in the morning and I have to be at work at 6 I think I must retire and get a couple hours of sleep.

Much Love
-Jamie-